


Al's Choice

by Lovely_Lucy



Category: Our Life: Beginnings & Always (Visual Novel)
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Other, Puberty, Trans Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-16 14:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29826483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lovely_Lucy/pseuds/Lovely_Lucy
Summary: Al Kalawai'a (OC) is struggling with their identity as puberty hits. Their best friend, Cove, comes by and has a serious talk with them about how they feel.
Kudos: 11





	Al's Choice

**Author's Note:**

> CW: body dysmorphia, puberty 
> 
> I understand that every person’s journey to self-discovery is different. This story is not meant to represent everyone, and any resemblance to persons living or dead is completely coincidental (other than official OL characters, obviously).
> 
> This takes place the winter after Step 2 of the game but takes a few lines from a possible scene in Step 3, edited to fit the situation. Al was afab, but decided to try going by they/them pronouns for Step 2 and still doesn’t quite feel right about their gender. They haven’t admitted their feelings for Cove, but always had a crush on him.

It was late in the night after a horrible day, but Al still couldn’t fall asleep. They had never been so uncomfortable in their life, both physically and emotionally. They knew this day would come, but somehow wished it never would— that they could just will it not to happen. When they started feeling pain in their abdomen the day before, they figured it was just indigestion, but the blood they spotted today caused reality to crash around them.

Their moms made sure to stay calm for them and assure them that anyone can have periods and still be valid in whatever gender fit them best, but it still felt horrible. The day was mostly spent talking about how Al wanted to handle things and what hygien products felt most comfortable (not that any did), and in the end the whole family had chocolatey icecream for dessert. Even Elizabeth was gentle and understanding. Al appreciated everything they did to help, but as always couldn’t find the words or will to express what they were feeling about everything.

Now, alone in the dark blanket of night, they were curled in a ball in bed, letting the tears they’d tried to push back all day flow freely. Al had always cried easily, but always felt guilty about making those around them feel uncomfortable. Maybe if Cove was there it wouldn’t be so bad; he was always a crybaby, too, afterall.

As if summoned by the thought, Al heard a tapping at their window that could only be one person: Cove Holden. They quickly wiped their face and shuffled to the window to let him in.

“Cove. W-what are you doing here?” Al asked. Cove had been away at his mom’s again.

“Well, Dad brought me back from the airport a little while ago. He figured I was tired and sent me to bed, but I’m not, so I figured I’d see if you were awake.” He shrugged as if climbing through Al’s window in the night was completely normal. For him it kind of was.

Al quickly ducked their head away to hide their blush and the remnants of their tears. They moved to sit at the edge of the bed, giving Cove room to come in. Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite quick enough, or maybe the motion was too telling, because Cove seemed to notice something was up. He sat by Al on the bed, tilting his head to try to see their face better. 

“Hey… What’s wrong?” His voice was gentle and concerned but the question broke the damn for Al. They couldn’t stop a sob from shaking their shoulders.

“Me,” they barely managed to squeak out before completely breaking down in tears.

“Oh, Al!” Cove instantly wrapped an arm around them, pulling them close to cry on his shoulder. He waited for them to let it out a bit before speaking again, forming the words slowly.

“If you say something’s not right, I trust you, but you… you aren’t what’s wrong. You’re wonderful, and if you change from how you are right now, you’ll still be wonderful. It can’t be helped. It’s a fact of life. But I’ll still be here to support you and listen to whatever doesn’t feel right, okay?”

Al sniffled, but managed to speak with a strained voice. “I just… hate this! I thought maybe the small changes I had made would be enough— if I just didn’t have to think of myself as a girl anymore— but it’s not! I don’t want to—” They choked on a sob before continuing so softly that Cove could barely hear. “I don’t want to go through  _ this _ puberty, but I’m afraid of what will happen if…” Their throat tightened and new tears stung in their eyes. They wiped them away, but didn’t continue.

“Al, I’ve known you for a long time, since we were kids, you know,” Cove explained, slowly. “I’ve seen you just about every day during that time, so I think it’s fair for me to say this. Each day you’re different from before, just by a little bit. But you’re also still the same. You’re always you. It’s nice… to see you keep developing as a person. I do want you to keep being you, but the only one who gets to decide who that is, is you. You choose who you are today. You get to choose who you are tomorrow. That’s okay with me and everyone else who cares about you.”

“But what if I choose wrong?” Al asked.

Cove shook his head. “Not possible. Whatever feels right to you is the right choice, and if you choose something else later, then that’s the right choice, too.”

“But what if—” Al sighed. “There are so many ‘what ifs’ running through my head; I don’t even know.” They shook their head, as if to clear it of the intrusive thoughts.

“No matter what,” Cove said, “your family and friends will accept you. Even if things are hard, we’ll all be there to back you up. That won’t change.”

Al nodded and gave Cove a small smile. They appreciated what he was saying, and it did help, but there was still something bothering them. Their smile fell again. 

“I’m still afraid of the things that might change… and the things I don’t know.”

“I could help you do research, if that would help? Anything you need,” Cove offered.

Al nodded again. “Maybe…” They looked up at Cove with a question in their eyes, biting their cheek in worried contemplation, but they looked back down at their hands before broaching the subject. “Can I ask you something… unrelated? Or, kinda…” 

“Anything,” Cove assured them.

“Well, last summer, you said you didn’t really… feel different about people, like attraction-wise. I think there was more to it, but… well, I was just wondering… if anything’s changed?”

“Oh.” Cove blushed, surprised by the question. He looked away himself, rubbing the scar on his arm. “Um, I still don’t really know how to explain it.”

Al nodded, but they weren’t done with this line of thought. They took a big breath to try to steady their nerves, gripping the side of the bed tightly.

“Would… would you ever be… interested… in guys? Do you think?” they asked, finally looking at up Cove. He was bright red, his mouth pressed in a firm line as he considered his answer. He looked at Al, then back at his lap. 

“That’s… um, well… yes and no?” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking for the words. “Like, not guys in general, but…” He looked up at Al, his forehead knit with conflict.

“But…?” Al asked, both fear and hope in their voice.

Cove had to look away again before answering, “If the guy was you…” 

He didn’t have to finish the sentence to make Al’s heart skip and their face burn. “R-really?”

Cove nodded so slightly Al might have missed it, but they didn’t.

“I guess… that’s one less thing to worry about then,” they said with a slight smile.

Cove nodded again. Al could see the blush on his ears, and they smiled a little more.

“Thanks, Cove,” they said quietly and leaned ever so slightly against him, taking comfort in his presence. Cove leaned into them, as well, so they knew he heard.

Eventually, the exhaustion of everything Al had been through today got the better of them. The relief Cove brought relaxed them enough to finally fall asleep. Cove carefully scooted back to lean against the wall, but let Al keep resting against him. He didn’t want to leave without telling them and couldn’t bear to wake them now that they were sleeping so peacefully. 

The next morning, Cove woke up first. He started to stretch out, but noticed Al half curled up on his lap still fast asleep. He stopped and smiled down at them, brushing their hair back from their face. When the door swung open his eyes went wide. They immediately met Elizabeth’s, her mouth already open to say something before freezing in surprise. He held a finger to his lips, glancing down at Al. Elizabeth smirked, but her smile faded as she noticed the redness around her sibling’s eyes. She raised an eyebrow at Cove. 

“Later,” he mouthed at her. “Please…” 

She nodded and quietly shut the door behind her. He could just make out her voice as she headed down the stairs.

“Al’s still sleeping,” she told her mothers. “They had a long day, so let’s just let them rest. They’ll come down when they’re ready.”

Cove let out a long, relieved breath. He was also worried about how things would change— he always was— but if it was for Al, he knew he could handle it.


End file.
